Grief, ED recovery, Mental Health and all the lovely things that give my Sisyphean rock meaning
Mass Effect changed my life. It helped me through some of my darkest moments, became part of my relationship with my son, and filled my home with memories. But what happens when something you love becomes connected to things you no longer feel comfortable supporting?
Four hours of sleep, one mysteriously functional window and the return of the Invisible Surveyor. Between housing chaos and a surprisingly useful doctor’s appointment, I think about anxiety, OCD, perimenopause, grief, recovery and the strange guilt of resting - before retreating back to Night City with Greggs and exhaustion.
Yesterday should have been my best friend's 47th birthday. Instead, I spent the day waiting for a surveyor who never arrived. Somewhere between frustration, grief, Commander Shepard, new socks and mushrooms, I realised I wasn't mourning a wasted day at all. I was mourning the years she never got to live.
Six years ago, I never imagined two wild wood pigeons would become my best friends. Meet Squigeon and Goose, two wonderfully different birds who completely changed how I see pigeons. From food preferences to funny personalities, they've taught me that wildlife is far more individual than we often realise.
Fatigue might have dominated my week, but it wasn't the whole story. There was an entitled Sharon in Lidl, an unforgettable gift from my son, a wish made on a shooting star, and a reminder that even during the hardest weeks, life still manages to surprise me in the smallest ways.
I thought recovering from anorexia wouldnt be any different with age. Instead, I recovered straight into perimenopause. Night sweats, burning mouth, changing metabolism and almost no research on what happens when these two collide. This is what I wish someone had warned me about before I found out the hard way.
This is one of the hardest posts I've ever written. It's about my son, the Supreme Court ruling, and why, as a cis woman, I don't feel more protected by it. Most of all, it's about the human cost of turning people's lives into political debate.
After a couple of stressful weeks, I decided to stop and remember the good things instead. Somehow that list ended up including finally getting my medication, a surprise Starbucks bear, seeing the trees again, becoming weirdly obsessed with washing powder, breathtaking sunrises, and, of course... even more pigeons.
I thought I was writing about scaffolding. It turns out I was writing about friendship. This is the story of Squigeon, Goose, a year without pigeons, and why the day they came back brought more than just the sunlight back into my life.
A simple trip to collect my medication somehow turned into a desert expedition, a nostalgic taxi ride to 2010, a battle with Boots, a cluster headache, an invasion of bush crickets and, somehow, two jars of reduced SunPat peanut butter. Honestly, the universe just wasn’t on my side that day.
Absurd Universe 